


Mafia-ful Boyfriend

by biscuitlevitation



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: All27 - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:29:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitlevitation/pseuds/biscuitlevitation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Iemitsu sends Tsuna an eroge, and the characters come to life. In order to return them to the game world, he has to seduce all the colorful and dangerously violent characters and beat the game. With the help of the game's sadistic narrator, Tsuna sets out to do just that, and hopefully get through the experience with dignity intact. ALL27</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mafia-ful Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of actually updating something I'm starting a new fic in a fandom that like 2 of my readers are in! Yaaaaaaay!
> 
> Special thanks to You_Light_The_Sky, who graciously allowed me to whine about this and gave me some extremely helpful input.

In retrospect, Tsuna really should have realized that something weird was going on.

First of all, his father had sent him a gift. His father never sent him gifts. He thought that the occasional postcard was more than enough. Granted, there was an ulterior motive -- he wanted him to beta test a new video game for him for his stupid shady corporate job -- but still. Red flag. 

He would have refused to touch it just on principle but his mom was so thrilled and kept asking about “the lovely gift your father sent you, Tsu-kun,” so he couldn’t _not_ play it. Not when Nana was so happy.

Second, he ran into a really creepy old guy with white hair and glasses on his rambling, circuitous way home from school (necessary to avoid bullies) who said to call him “uncle.” This, while unsettling, wouldn’t be important, but then he _patted his head_ and said, “Enjoy your game.” He glided away while Tsuna was still mid-“hiiie”. Sure, he hadn’t known for sure that he was talking about that specific game, but his intuition suggested otherwise.

Third, it was a _weird_ video game. It came in a blank box, there was no title, and he wasn’t even sure which system it was for. There was a summary on the back, at least -- but that was _in Italian_.

In the end, when he was bored over the weekend (a common side effect of having no friends), Tsuna popped it into the disk drive of his computer, and prayed that his father hadn’t sent him an eroge.

There was no title scroll, no menu, nothing. He didn’t even get a character. There was just a blinking cursor in the center of the screen.

“ _Write your full name_ ,” an automated voice droned.

Tsuna decided that he wasn’t going to humor his father any longer. Sure, he didn’t play games much, but he knew enough to realize that this was a shitty game. He reached for the eject button.

“ _Do it, Dame-Tsuna,_ ” snapped the computer.

Tsuna shrieked, nearly falling out of his seat, and quickly complied. He couldn’t handle anyone yelling at him, and the game sounded like it was actually angry at him!

“ _Finally_ ,” it muttered, still toneless but managing to convey deep disgust nevertheless, “ _Idiot_.”

Tsuna wanted to wail at the injustice of it all. Of all the games his dad could have sent him, it was the verbally abusive one! What kind of person would buy this product? What kind of person would come up with it? Wait, it’s from his dad. Stupid question.

“ _Are you satisfied with the life you lead now _?” White text appeared on the screen in time with the words.__

Answering that question was easy.

_No._

“Do you want to change?”

He hesitated.

_yes_

There was no answer, but he got the sense that the game was waiting for more.

_but i dont know how. im scared if i did i wouldnt be able to_

“Idiot. With thoughts like that it’s no wonder you can’t change on your own.”

Tsuna bit his lip, eyes filling with tears. It was stupid to be hurt by a video game, of all things, but it was so similar to what everyone said to him every day. To what his mother’s disappointed eyes told him every day. Dame Tsuna. No good. Useless. Before he knows it, his fingers are spilling across the keyboard

_i know im sorry i just wish people wouldnt tell me all the time but im trying so hard and that makes it worse because my best isnt good enough and ill always be like this and_

“Stop.”

The voice, automated though it is, sounded almost sympathetic.

“ _It’s obvious you’re trying._

“I’ll help you.”

And then the screen started glowing, brighter and brighter until Tsuna had to shield his eyes. Circuitry screamed and electricity crackled and Tsuna wailed fearfully until everything abruptly stopped. 

He cracked an eye open, and then threw caution to the winds at the sight that greeted him.

“Hiiiie! My laptop!” Tsuna yelped, reaching out for the sparking, smoking mess and scorching his fingers for his trouble. He sucked them quickly into his mouth and soothed them with his tongue, despairingly eyeing the earthly remains of his poor computer.

“What the fuck is going on?!” someone behind him growled. Tsuna screamed and turned his spinning chair around so fast he got whiplash even as he lost his balance and fell to the floor. 

There were six men in his room who definitely weren’t there before. They were all staring at him with varying degrees of hostility and confusion, and every single one was pointing a weapon at him oh god. 

Tsuna screamed again -- really, it’s a sign of how often he did this that his mother hadn’t come running -- and scrambled back until he hit a wall. He felt drool on his wrist and belatedly pulled his hand out of his mouth.

“Herbivore,” said the one with the tonfas, ignoring Tsuna’s whimper of fear, “Explain.”

“Hiiee! I don’t -- what’s happening?” Tsuna cried, and almost got a tonfa to the face. He ducked and rolled away (successfully, surprisingly enough), and bit back another shriek at the brand new hole in his wall.

“This is EXTREMELY strange!” yelled the one with the bandage on his nose. “If you don’t tell me where I am, I will have to beat you up to the EXTREME!”

Before Tsuna could wet himself with fear, a friendly hand landed on the loud one’s shoulder. “Maa, maa, senpai,” its owner said, shooting Tsuna an amiable smile that was a little too sharp around the edges, “I’m sure it won’t come to that. Ne?”

“Nope!” Tsuna said, shaking his head furiously. “I’m not sure how you got here but this is Namimori please don’t hurt me.”

The delinquent in the back clicked his tongue disparagingly. “We’re not gonna get anything out of this idiot by being nice, baseball freak.” He spit it out like _nice_ was a different four-letter word altogether. He stalked over to where Tsuna was attempting to become one with the wall and hauled him bodily off the ground. “How the fuck did you bring us here?! Who do you work for?!”

Tsuna scrabbled weakly at his wrists, gaping like a fish out of water. He couldn’t breathe he was going to be killed by this freaky goth delinquent what would his mother think --

“He can’t talk if he can’t breathe, Stupidera!” The oxygen must have left his brain quicker than he thought because that was a small child with horns and an afro in a cow suit.

“What did you just call me, you stupid cow?!” Stupidera roared, dropping Tsuna in favor of lunging at the kid. Tsuna gasped for air until the world stopped spinning and then noticed the delinquent throttling the cow child even more violently than he had done to him.

“Hey!” he wheezed. “You’ll hurt him!” He grabbed his arm.

Stupidera’s fist smashed into his face and Tsuna dropped like a rock, smashing his head against his dresser in the process. The kid followed immediately after, landing much more softly on Tsuna’s stomach. The wind went out of him and he spluttered for air, choking on the blood now streaming from his nose. 

“You wanna fucking go?!” the delinquent snapped, fanning out what looks like dynamite in his fists. Tsuna contemplated feigning unconsciousness, but the cow kid chose that moment to burst into tears.

“Aryoo ogay?” Tsuna asked nasally, sitting up and attempting to stem the flow of blood from his nostrils. The kid stopped crying, eyes wide, and after a second starts howling at the top of his lungs. Tsuna removed his hands from his nose to pick him up and deposit him on the bed (the subsequent spurt of blood that stained the cow suit hadn’t helped the crying situation and Tsuna was perilously close to joining in), then turned to deal with the rest of them.

“Maa, maa, Gokudera, now isn’t the time to play with your firecrackers,” the one Stupidera called baseball freak is saying.

“They aren’t fucking firecrackers, you idiot!” Stupidera (Gokudera?) bristled, brandishing them in his face. Baseball freak just laughed.

A guy with a pineapple hairstyle and a pitchfork laughed creepily, cutting through the commotion. “As amusing as your idiocy is to observe, we should be focusing on how that one --” he nodded at Tsuna, “-- brought us here.”

“The pineapple head is right to the extreme!” the loudest one roared, ignoring the dangerous way said pineapple head’s smile widened even as his eyes narrowed. “Why did you bring us here!”

Tsuna _meep_ ed. “I didn’t, I swear! I’d like it so much better if you weren’t here pleasegoaway.”

“He’s lying,” Gokudera asserted. From the way no one interrupted him, they all agree. “Tell me which famiglia sent you, now!”

Tsuna mouthed “famiglia” soundlessly, endlessly confused.

“You heard the Hurricane Bomb,” Pineapple said silkily. “Who sent you?”

“Ahahaha, are you still playing that mafia game?” baseball freak asked.

“It’s _not a_ \--”

“As amusing as this, I’d like to move on to telling you why you’re here,” an entirely new voice cut in. A man in a suit and a fedora was lounging on Tsuna’s bedspread, using the struggling cow suited kid as a footrest. Tsuna “hiiiee”ed again, but his unwanted guests’ reactions were much more confusing. 

“Narrator!” Gokudera exclaimed, and dropped into a bow.

“Yo,” baseball freak says cheerfully, but his eyes are hard.

“Stupid Narrator! Lemme up!” the kid shouted.

“Narrator! I am EXTREMELY confused!” the loud one said.

Pineapple laughed creepily again.

The scary one narrowed his eyes.

The commotion gets louder as complaints and questions and accusations were hurled around the room. The man on Tsuna’s bed just got more and more annoyed until he snapped his fingers and said, “Pause.”

Everyone froze. And stayed frozen.

“Hiee!”

“Anyway,” he said breezily, as if he hadn’t just violated the laws of the universe, “now that you’ve all shut up, I’ll explain what’s going on.”


End file.
